sweet light

Tired from thinking of what to do for my exam tomorrow, I asked my siblings to drive me to get some icecream. They complied.

After getting icecream, we took a drive around town. It was really impromptu (My brother: alright, let's go home /about to turn right, into our street/ My sister: TURN LEFT TURN LEFT) and I was pretty shocked. But it turned out to be really worthwhile.

I don't have any pictures (another add-on to my to-do list) but I realised that the nightscene in KL is really beautiful. Almost calming, even. When we drove down Bukit Bintang street, I got a good look at everything it had. The coffee shops, the shopping mall. The illumination was beautiful. And I thought, wow, I'm missing out on life.

I've never really been the sociable type. I'm friendly and at school I'm always beaming my smile but I'm different everywhere else. At home, with my family? We're close, but I'd rather not go anywhere. I'd stay at home and play games. Or study. Relatives? Even worse. Inclusive of ourselves, we have three relative families in our neighbourhood. And I rarely talk to them. We went to their house the other day and I couldn't even talk to them. That's how awkward I am. And I thought I got better this year as I started talking to the neighbourhood kids. I guess it isn't enough. 

I guess I am different from other kids. I mean, I get very cosy and feel just at home with Alphaians because, you know, NERDS, (I'm sorry Alphaians I still love you guys. No homo only bromo) but when I talk to Pei Wen and Ira, I look up to them. They're so sociable. We're so different. I want to be like them.

And I was filled with regret. Last holiday? Eleven days off? I didn't do anything. Just wasted them all like that. And I have my exams now. Didn't even study. I'm always like this.

Talking about regret, I was planning on writing a post after I've graduated, starting back with "looking back on these five years..." but no. I don't want to regret only after graduating. I still have some time left, right?

But before that, I have to survive through Trials.